Saturday, December 28, 2013

X-Rated Motels of the Future

 I love to read articles like this one. It's funny how different reporters perceived EPCOT Center, it's attractions, it's impact etc. This article's fun because it mentions X-rated Motels as well as Horizons. 

 It's no surprise to me because the few times we stayed overnight in the Disney area we stayed at horrible roach motels on 192. You see folks, my mom's a very interesting person. She didn't (and still doesn't) give a shit about "a nice Hotel". She wants the cheapest and that's that. 

 Mom: I'm going in to check the rates. You kids hide on the floor so they don't see you.
 Me: There's a man laying in the bushes.
 Mom: Well that's none of our God damned business!
 Dad: If he messes with us he'll be running around without an ass.

Mom: Yes, sir, what are your room rates?
Clerk: $3 an hour, baby.
Mom: Wonderful! I'll take 6 hours please.

Mom: Hoot take that bucket down and get some ice.
Me: I'm afraid, Mom. I heard gun shots.
Mom: THOSE ARE THE GOD DAMNED DISNEY FIREWORKS!
Me: But we saw the fireworks.
Mom: They shoot 'em off all night. Everybody knows that.
Me: Can't you send sis? She's older than me.
Mom: Hell no! She'll get raped or something. Get going.

Me: They have a juice machine by the ice. Can I have some change for an orange juice?
Mom: How much are they?
Me: 25 cents
Mom: YOU CAN BUY A WHOLE GOD DAMNED ORANGE TREE FOR 25 CENTS!!

The good 'ol days:)

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

NEW HORIZONS DISCOVERY! Hold on TIGHT!

Just when you think it's all over and it's all been said....POW! Something amazing about Horizons hits you right in the face!

Folks, I'm sitting here going through old pictures trying to find suitable reference for issue #2 of the comic book. I happened upon some classic shots from 2004 when, as you may recall, Chief and I found ourselves working in a Magic Kingdom art department. Briefly. Very briefly but that's another story.

One of the first things I did was to explore the several storage containers that sat in the parking lot. That's when I discovered a rack full of Horizons character heads! That in itself is amazingly cool. There was so much cool shit in there I lost track but over the next few months I took plenty of photographs. Like This:


In the middle is the woman from the Space scene. She was piloting that robot armed craft. To the right is the dad who was trying to get the shoe in the Space Shuttle dock.

Below that there where shelves of Haunted Mansion stuff. You can see Gus, Little Leotta, and Ezra. The guy in charge of the mansion figures would come in here and pretend he was working. He primed Little Leotta there and got primer all over the place. 

ANYWAY as I sit here in December 2013 I find this picture and I wonder "why is little Leotta not in the Haunted Mansion and where is her head?" 

POW! BECAUSE THAT ISN'T LITTLE LEOTTA IN THE HAUNTED MANSION THAT'S THE MINI HOLOGRAM GIRL FROM HORIZONS!!!!!!! THEY WERE THE SAME FIGURE! The Horizons Hologram Girl is standing at the exit to the WDW Haunted Mansion! Flesh colored hands and all. 


AND that's why Hologram Girl's costume was on Ebay years ago!
AND that's why the non moving Leotta figure is laid to rest right under the Horizons heads!


AND why was her head in the black light paint room and cast in clear resin? I DON"T KNOW!


AND now General Electric and Hoot Gibson present "Brian Removing His False Teeth and Gumming Hoot's Big White Ass!". Ain't THAT a hoot?

Long live Mesa Verde Times.





Monday, December 2, 2013

The Further Adventures of Hoot and Chief

...and now for the first time ever, Kraft cheese and Polaroid Film proudly present The Further Adventures of Hoot and Chief!
Click to purchase from WardDizzley.com! 32 pages of hair raising adventure! You might puke! Choose from either real printed on paper copy or futuristic electronic version (Kindle) from the brave new world of the 21st century! Either version will provide perfect reading on the go or on the crapper. Hours of fun!